I was born into this life. My Father was in it, my uncle was in it. I was bound to be in it. I wasn’t a tough kid growing up. I wasn’t perfect for this life. But the years went by and I was brought closer and closer to the life. I’m a product of my environment.
My father kept company that was feared and respected. These were like my Uncles. Gradually i became a member of this life. I rose fast, through grit, hard work and Balls. My name in this life was cemented even before my father passed. My Uncle grew envious of me over time as my popularity grew and i ran my own crew. We were trumps over his crew. The day came when Jackie passed and it was a decision the Capos made to announce a successor. It was me. I was reluctant to take it.
There was older men, men my father came up with who deserved the top seat. But everyone was happy to make me Boss. The plan devised to keep my uncle apeased was a master plan. He was Boss on the street, he took the hits, the fall if anything went down. Then the pressure grew. Intense. Surreal. I crumbled behind closed doors. Prozac, lithium, xanax for a small time. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, I was falling apart.
My wife had been so close to ending it so many times due to my extra marital activities. I was so glad of her now. I needed her. My mother, where do i start. She was never the loving kind, cold and not maternal she was causing me difficulties in my work life. My children, i love them dearly. They break my balls now and then but they’re on the right path in life. My friends? Ye i love them.. but i don’t for one minute think they’d put a bullet in me in the blink of an eye. I keep my anxiety hid away as best as possible in front of my guys. I keep busy always scheming because if i sit still the reality of my misgivings will set in and kill me slowly.
I’d fall.. hard. So i do nice things for certain people, helps me mask the fact im a stone cold killer if the need arises. I’ve done well in life for someone with one semester in college. Big house, Millionaire, great Family. . More than i ever expected, c’mon I’m a fat fuckin crook from New Jersey.
Life is short, you gotta enjoy every second. One minute you can be sitting in a restaurant with your Family. . .